Worried about you and your partner being as different as chalk and cheese? Turns out it is your own personality that dictates relationship happiness

Research on love and happiness indicates that individual traits of people become more important than their degree of compatibility with their romantic partners. For years, we’ve heard that “birds of a feather flock together”- that couples with similar personalities are happier, and stay together longer. Research studies from recent times demonstrate that your individual traits, which include your ability to stay calm, organizational skills and your kind nature, play a greater role in relationship happiness, than your match with your partner.Working on personal development of your mood, habits and reactions, will produce better results for your relationship, than seeking similarities with others.What the new study foundThe researchers studied different pairs of people across various time periods, through their individual assessments of personal characteristics, and their relationship satisfaction ratings. They looked at the “Big Five” personality traits:

The big surprise? People discovered happiness through their relationships, because their individual traits surpassed the need for compatible personality types with their partners. For example:People who showed high neuroticism traits (experiencing anxiety, mood swings and being sensitive) reported lower relationship happiness regardless of their partner’s personality characteristics.People were were more conscientious and extraverted tended to be more satisfied, again regardless of their partner’s traits.People who remain calm while showing kindness and taking responsibility, will achieve love and happiness with their partner, no matter what differences exist between them.Why your own personality matters moreResearch shows that your personal characteristics in life will shape all your relationships. For example:A person with high neuroticism tends to experience chronic feelings of insecurity, while they constantly worry about abandonment and they overreact to minor issues, which creates ongoing relationship tension.A person who unites friendly behavior with responsible conduct, will show patience while keeping their commitments and resolving conflicts through peaceful methods, which creates a secure relationship environment.Two people with different personality types will achieve happiness in their relationship, when they maintain emotional stability, while demonstrating affection, and actively manage their actions. A relationship between two people who appear to match perfectly, will still face challenges when either or both partners, display excessive anxiety, together with critical behavior and lack of responsibility.Do similar personalities help at allOther research shows that similarity does matter-but in a more limited way. For example:People who have identical conscientiousness traits and value-oriented behaviors, which include caring for others, will achieve better relationship satisfaction during their first years of partnership.People will achieve lasting happiness, regardless of their extraversion and openness levels because their personality types, can show different traits between being outgoing and quiet, and between being adventurous and preferring to stay at home.The similarity between you and your partner regarding financial management, household responsibilities and family relations, creates convenience in your daily routines, but it does not determine your long-term happiness. People should focus on their emotional well-being and their mutual treatment of others, rather than their individual emotional states.What this means for real couplesFor most couples, this research is actually good news. It means:

How to build a happier relationshipThe research provides the following basic yet useful methods for implementationKnow your own patternsObserve how frequently you experience anxiety, together with jealousy and anger, during your time with this person. The process of trigger identification marks the beginning of any effort to modify them.Cultivate calm and kindnessPractice being patient, listening without interrupting, and responding instead of reacting. Small acts of kindness build trust and safety over time.Don’t obsess over “compatibility”Instead of asking, “Are we similar enough?, ask, “Do we treat each other well?Can we grow together?”Seek support when neededRelationship problems caused by anxiety, anger and insecurity can be solved through therapy sessions with a therapist or counselor.Happiness starts with youThe research shows that individual characteristics between people create the biggest factor which decides how happy their relationships will be. Personal development stands as the most important change factor which produces actual transformation.Your main objective should be to become an exceptional partner by acquiring peacefulness and demonstrating compassion, while you develop as a person.