Marriage isn’t always perfect – instead, it is a beautiful yet messy journey of two people learning to stay together while navigating the storms of life together. Sudha Murthy, the beloved author, philanthropist, and wife of Infosys co-founder Narayana Murty, gets that better than most. At the India Today Conclave in 2024, she shared a gem of marriage advice that’s equal parts practical and profound, reminding us that fights aren’t the enemy of love – instead, they’re part of it. What matters is how you handle conflicts in your relationship, which decides if your marriage can survive life’s challenges.“When you are married, you are bound to fight. Accept that,” she said gently. “If you have never fought, then you are not husband and wife,” she added.Imagine that for a moment: In a world which is obsessed with “perfect” couples on social media – with those filtered photos of vacations and anniversaries – Sudha Murthy’s words feel like a warm hug. It is noted that Sudha Murthy and Narayana Murty have been married for over 50 years, raising a family, building legacies, and facing life’s highs and lows. Yet, the secret to their long lasting marriage isn’t about avoiding conflicts; instead, it is about embracing them with grace.
The art of staying calm in chaosTalking about fights in a marriage and how to resolve them Sudha Murthy shared, “When you fight, and one person is upset, the second should be cool, and should not open their mouth.”
How many arguments could one have sidestepped with that simple rule? Picture this: A heated moment, one partner’s voice rises, emotions raw and unfiltered. But, in that moment, instead of snapping back, the other chooses to stay quiet and let the storm pass. This simple step of staying cool, can save the fire burning down the house.Sharing her own life with her husband Narayana Murty, Sudha Murthy said, “When Murty is angry, I will never talk. Let him pour out. I will not talk…When I am angry, he keeps quiet. In real life, I keep quiet most of the time. You should never get upset together because that is the recipe for further fights.” Now that’s something to ponder over: When one partner speaks, the other listens – not out of defeat, but out of deep respect and love for the other. In those quiet pauses, space opens for understanding, for the storm to pass without wrecking the house.However, staying quiet in such vulnerable moments isn’t about suppressing your feelings; it’s emotional intelligence at its finest. Sudha Murthy’s approach is all about “de-escalation” – which simply put is giving your partner room to vent while protecting the relationship.For young couples starting out or veterans feeling frayed, this simple tip lands like hope to save the marriage in the long run. It humanizes marriage, making it less about perfection and more about perseverance. The next time voices rise, pause. Breathe. Let the silence heal what words might harm.What’s your go-to move when tensions rise in your relationship? Share in the comment section below.
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