We live in a time where hustling is appreciated and being stressed has become the new norm. And so, as a consequence of it, modern marriages/relationships are increasingly being shaped by people’s demanding careers and long hours at work. In the long run, this often takes a toll on their marriage with many not being able to survive the test of time. When a partner in a marriage is constantly stressed and busy because of work they might feel overwhelmed, while the other might feel neglected. Without love and understanding, people in such marriages feel disconnected and lonely, often questioning their life choices.“In my opinion successful marriages are not built on unlimited time together, but on consistent emotional presence, reliability, and mutual effort. The goal is not constant togetherness. The goal is building a secure connection, knowing that no matter how busy life becomes, the relationship remains a priority,” Shreyaa S Murthy, Consultant- Clinical Psychologist at Narayana Health City, Bangalore told us.
Marriages work when both the partners constantly put in efforts to make their relationship work despite the challenges life throws at them. So, here we list some of Murthy’s tips for both– the busy partner and their spouse– on how to make their marriage survive the test of time:1. Tip No.1 for the partner of a busy spouse- Building predictable connection rather than constant access“The partner who carries more emotional and domestic responsibility often experiences feelings of neglect, loneliness, and frustration. Managing these emotions in a healthy way is essential to the long-term health of the marriage,” Murthy said. And so, she shared three tips for partner of a busy spouse to make their marriage work, with number 1 being: Building predictable connection instead of constant access.Explaining this, she said, “When the spouse is busy the worst pattern would be to wait around all day, feeling irritated getting frustrated and exploding when they finally come home. Instead creating mutually agreed upon predictable rituals like morning coffee together, nightly 15 min check-in, a weekly date night can build better connection. The nervous system needs reliability more than quantity, to feel secure. This predictability and reliability creates emotional safety and reduces anxiety.”2. Tip No.2 for the partner of a busy spouse: Communicating needs clearly and directlyIt is often said that communication is key to successful relationships, and rightly so. Emphasising on how clear, honest and direct communication can help your marriage, she further told us, “Often couples resort to communication patterns of hinting instead of asking, testing instead of trusting, criticizing instead of expressing ( For example- “You never have time for me,” “work is more important than me”) this type of communication often triggers defensiveness leading to conflicts, which ends up creating more distance. A more effective approach is vulnerability and direct communication of needs (Example- “I miss you and need more quality time together,” “ I need to feel like I matter to you”). This way of compassionate communication can build closeness and better understanding between partners.”
3. Tip No.3 for the partner of a busy spouse: Maintain strong personal identityHave you noticed how some partners start becoming co-dependent in a marriage over time, with one of them often neglecting themself and blending with the other’s identity. But that’s not an ideal marriage, as “A healthy relationship consists of two whole individuals, not one waiting for the other’s availability,” Murthy revealed.She further shared, “Having one’s own sense of personal purpose, passion, friendships, hobbies, goals, is the primary necessity for building healthy relationships, as this builds emotional resilience and prevents the relationship from becoming emotionally fragile.”Meanwhile, by constantly being occupied by work, the busy spouse unintentionally and subtly shows that work is always a priority to them– even above their partner. This can make their partner feel unheard and unseen in the relationship, thus adversely affecting the relationship. To combat this, Murthy says that the busy partner needs to put in genuine efforts to make their partner feel loved and a priority. Here she shares three tips for the busy spouse to make their marriage work in modern times:1. Tip No 1 for the busy spouse: Treat their marriage or relationship as a non-negotiable priority“The real challenge is not time. Couples often assume the problem is not giving enough time, but in reality it is often lack of emotional availability and predictability. A marriage can survive long work hours, but it struggles when one partner feels emotionally invisible or unimportant. This can be worked upon by following these basic principles- putting your partner on the calendar, prioritising that time like a meeting with the boss, treating connecting with your partner as part of your responsibility. Short rituals of just 20 mins of focused time daily, can drastically strengthen emotional bonds when practiced consistently. Building healthy relationships requires consistency rather than grand gestures,” she said.
2. Tip No 2 for the busy spouse: Practice emotional presenceWhile the busy spouse won’t be able to be physically present with their partner all the time, they need to make them feel emotionally connected even in difficult times to make their relationship succeed even in challenging times. Speaking on these lines, the psychologist said, “Being physically home but mentally absent is one of the most common causes of emotional distance. Presence means putting away devices, making eye contact, asking meaningful questions (asking about the day, following up/remembering important details). Being emotionally available to listen to them rather than rushing into gives advises or just treating it as an issue to be resolved. To the human brain, this focused attention is interpreted as love, hence builds secure connection.”When a person is safe and secure in a relationship, they feel connected with their partner, happy and content– thus improving their overall relationship.3. Tip No 3 for the busy spouse: Express appreciation or acknowledgment frequentlyIt is often said that there’s always a woman behind a man’s success (and vice versa), and rightly so! This shows the important role our partners play in our success. However, in case of busy partners, they shouldn’t forget the efforts and sacrifices their partner makes for them to focus at work and be successful. Acknowledging and appreciating their efforts shows the partner of such busy spouse that they are seen and loved. Such simple acts of kindness can help build the relationship stronger.Commenting on this, Murthy told us, “Busy spouses often underestimate how much their partner sacrifices. Acknowledge the sacrifices your partner makes and the support they provide. Apologise if in case you are unable to show-up due to unavoidable reasons, and express your respect for their time. Simple expressions of appreciation or acknowledgement reduces resentment and increases emotional bonding.”Bonus: Tips for 30 minute weekly rituals to reconnect with your partnerMurthy says that apart from following the above tips, busy couples should also make 30 minute weekly rituals to connect with each other at a deeper level. “Check-in about their wellbeing this week; expressing things that they are grateful for/appreciate in each other; discussing one thing they need more of in order to improve their relationship, planning when their meeting/date would be,” she advised.Talking about how our intentions and efforts matter to make our relationship work, she added, “A busy life does not destroy a marriage or relationship- instead, emotional neglect does. To achieve this, it requires both partners to equally commit to protecting their bond through clear communication, emotional presence, and mutual respect, then even the busiest marriages can remain strong, fulfilling, and deeply connected.“Do you agree too? Share your views in the comment section below.Also, how do you navigate constant time-crunch in your relationship with your partner? Share your relationship mantras below.
About the Author
